Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Discovering a New Love Language

Bumbling into a Discovery

I took nine years to discover a love language of my wife.

I'm not thick headed, but this one took a while.

A month ago, I found myself driving the streets of Seattle in search of solitude.  What else am I going to do during a pandemic when I can't veg-out at the local Starbucks or even loiter at a park bench because of the weather? So, I drove my car, feeling the bumps in the road, listening to the white noise of the tires rolling along.

Along the way, I found Burger Boss, a local drive-up Burger joint.


I think she likes Burger Boss.  I don't need anything, but I'll get her some Burger Boss.

At home, I dropped the burger on the kitchen island.

"I got you Burger Boss," I announced.

"Thank you," she said.

Later that evening, Sara said, "Thank you for thinking about me."

When she said this, I realized I had struck the chord of a love language.  All of the sudden, nine years of clues knocked me over the head.  She loves to cook.  She wants us to go out for nice meals.  She gets frustrated when I don't want to spend money for a sit-down meal.  She loves the complexity of flavors in a dish.  

Turning a Bumbling Discovery into Intention

A week later, I drove us to a local bakery after dropping off library books.  We bought a cherry tart and a caramelized apple cinnamon roll.  Happy wife.  Happy daughter.  A week later, I tried out a hole-in-the-wall place, the kind I normally patron only after a reference from a trusted friend.  This was a convenience store that touted itself "Home of the Cheesy-British Sandwich".  A convenience store! The menu included: The Cheesy British Sandwich, The Canadian, The German, and The Italian.  I'm half French Canadian, so I ordered The Canadian, a hoagie with half roast beef, half ham, half lettuce-tomatoes-mustard-mayo.  I'm almost vegetarian these days, so I was risking a wasted purchase if she didn't like it.

"I got you a hoagie at that convenience store with the 'Cheesy British Sandwich' sign," I explained.

A raised eyebrow from Sara relayed her question of my purchase.

After a few bites, she said, "This is great.  It has that classic 'hoagie' flavor and texture!"

I had scored.

I was coming to understand a love language of hers - food.  Undoubtedly, I will find food she won't like, but I know that the effort is more important to her than just the outcome.

The Larger Lesson

As I bumble through this relationship with Sara, I am humbled by the nine years passed until I discovered that purchasing food for her is a love language I can use to do good to her.  I'm a very intentional person in my marriage, but I feel humbled (in a good way) when I am unable to discover something on my own.  For me, more important is what I do when I bumble into a discovery I hadn't noticed before.  Am I going to do good to her with the love languages I have discovered?

Above photo credit

Tyler Nix on Unsplash