Saturday, July 30, 2016
At about 5pm this evening, Sara and I started looking at our calendar for the week and realized how stressful it was going to be. Discussion was tense, awkward, and rough around the edges. At 7pm, we started working on our new flatscreen, trying to figure out the screen ratio. Again, conversations were bumpy and didn't flow well at best. By 9pm, we got into more conflict as we both entered our work on computers across from one another over the dinner table, Sara her master's degree work, and grading final exams for me.
During the summer, Seattle sunsets come around 9:30pm, and when the sunset came, I noticed it out of the corner of my eye through the back window. I had a feeling it was a good one, so I drew the curtains of the side-window wide open in front of Sara.
"Wow, what a beautiful sunset," she said.
"Let's get out there," I replied.
I knew we needed the intermission, to engage with each other and that sunset, to connect and become whole again. We crossed our residential street, found a good spot to watch, hold, and talk to one another. Each of us took deep breaths. We knew how important this moment was for our evening together.
After coming in, Sara said, "I feel so much more connected to you now."
In the end, we have to take advantages of opportunities like these. Little moments like this might be little, but built up over a lifetime, they add up to a huge foundation that can weather many storms.
(note to men: I know doing something like this can feel awkward because it is gushy emotional stuff. However, remember that even if you don't know what to say, the fact that you initiate with your wife or partner is the act of leading, and your spouse will feel your strength and leadership.)
photo called "Sunset" taken from flickr creative commons by photographer David Marsh
Labels: attachment, couples, spontaneity