Saturday, July 30, 2016

Intentional Connection in the Midst of Baby

The past week has been difficult for Sara and I in terms of connecting to one another.  Emery takes a lot of time and effort due to her legitimate needs as a three month old baby.  In addition, I started back to work for the summer quarter, teaching from 9am to 4pm (four days a week) instead of 11am to 3pm (5 days a week), and I was having difficulty sleeping due to my sleep apnea.  Throw in the normal night time wake ups, and it was getting stressful and exhausting.  Sara and I found ourselves at wits end with each other, especially in the evening.
One difficulty with Baby is that it is hard to have natural times to connect with one another as a couple.  It is a real battle to fight for your marriage in the middle of the chaos.  A good thing we've continued to do is take walks at parks and along the beach every couple of days.  Yet, even though this is good for us as a family and as a married couple, I found myself wanting (no, needing) to intentionally pursue Sara in an adult way that was more about her and I than about the three of us.  I woke up this morning and found myself wanting to read a book with Sara.
Reading a book together as a couple isn't everyone's cup of tea, but for Sara and I, it is something we enjoy and helps us connect.  Earlier this morning, while Emery slept on Mom's chest, I suggested I read some of a book we both have enjoyed reading.  I read for about fifteen minutes, and then we talked about what we read for the next ten or fifteen as well.  In this short half hour, we found a way to do an "adult" way of connecting in the midst of Emery, while she slept.  I felt thankful at the time, and even as I write, a feeling of gratitude wells up inside me.
On a side note, following our emotional connection during our reading and conversation, I felt sexually drawn to Sara and flirted a little with her.  It was directly related to our having connected emotionally. Raising a baby can zap lots of our romantic and sexual feelings for one another if we don't take the time to be intentional about connecting with each other in the midst of baby.
In short, reading together might not be your cup of tea, but as a couple, what are the things that you can do to connect in an "adult" way in the midst of baby, child, or teenager?